The noon went dark under the clouds. Old Amherst was hardly a pitstop off of the highway, “You know, my mother would like to meet you.” Vincent mused aloud.
“Will we make it to the train?” said Jenny.
“We will, If we leave before dinner.”
He veered off the state route into the town. Jenny read one of the signs “Bear Mountain- do you think we’ll see the bears?” He didn’t answer. He recognised the houses and squash and bean patches like an old dream from his childhood.
The last time he had stepped foot here, the old haven, he thought, dreamed, there was gold underneath the dirt. “If this ground’s made of gold you’re jus’ likely to find it in any one spot.” crowed Ms. Beverly when she made him dig up the fields to grow their own squash and beans and all kinds of plants. After he had dug deeply into dissapointment, she would say gently “Let’s wait a few months and we’ll dig up somethin’ better n’ gold, because gold doesn’t grow.”
There was smoke coming from between the trees. The old stovepipe from their outdoor oven told him things hadn’t changed, almost.
Ms. Beverly sat on a creaky little chair. She wore long sleeved clothes and a wide brimmed straw hat despite it being summer. Her hair was coiled tightly just beneath the hat (She used to let it flow in the wind). When the car pulled into the driveway she got up and from the porch, hollered. “I don’t want any business. Keep drivin!”
“Momma! It’s me Vincent!”
She collapsed onto her porch, rose, then staggered over to the car. Her hat fell off. She laughed with tears in her eyes. “Baby! You haven’t written me in three months! I was fixin to get to New York to find you!”
He stepped out of the car. “Mom, you don’t have the money for that.”
She shook him in her arms. “I have ways.”
“And nowww…” She put her fist on her hip while her other arm wrapped tighter around his shoulders “Whatever rat snake had messed with- oh! who is that?” She looked over his shoulder at the car.
He waved Jenny towards his mother, “Jenny, this is my mother Berta Beverly… your grandmother.”
“Woah… you made him?”
She hooted. “With my blood, sweat, and tears! He was a real pain. I think he kept trying to crawl back in. Anyhow, whoever was holding you up, I’d make them pay!” She let go, and waved towards the house with a flapping oven mitt. “Come! Come on in! I’ve got some potatoes and tomatoes frying, I’ll spare you a bite, you’re so scrawny.” She didn’t specify which of them was the scrawny one. Jenny picked up the hat from the grass.
She lifted the iron skillet from the boiler and placed it on the center of the table cloth.
“So, where’d she come from? Or rather I should say who.”
“A college girl, she and I were very stupid. But she was smart enough to raise Jenny up until today. I never knew about her until last week.”
“Why were you stupid?” Berta’s spatula clinked loudly as she set it down. Jenny jolted.
Vincent postulated coolly, hardly shrugging his shoulders. “I was bored with my studies I guess, tired of thinking too much so I wanted to be…” He looked at Jenny. He looked at his mother. He tightened his mouth shut.
“There’s all kinds of ways to go wild and not be stupid, don’t relate your studies to why you had sex. T’sounds like you don’t have a good reason.”
“I’m not stupid.” Jenny whimpered.
“I’m sorry Jenny, we weren’t referring to you.” said Vincent.
“But you were talking about where I came from. Where’d I come from?”
“I don’t even know what hospital you were born in.”
“I know, Georgetown!”
“Oh?”
“My mom took me on a trip to DC once, we actually lived there for a while after our house was getting repaired from the hurricane. That’s where she said I was born.”
Berta had grabbed plates. She scooped the portions onto them, grabbed her chair from outside, but instead of sitting down, leaned towards Jenny.
“Jenny I’d like to tell your father a thing or two while we wait for the food to cool off, we’ll be right back.”
They stepped out on the porch. They hugged. They hugged like the sun had left and only their warmth could replace the star’s fire. They hugged long enough for lunch to get cold. But nothing had left, or faded, everything was returning.
“Vincent, I missed you.” She gave an extra tough squeeze then stepped back. “But right now, I have been relieved up until now. Now I am afraid. I have given you s’much as I could, and I know you can give it all to her, but I don’t know, if you know absolutely how.”
An ache came over him as he remembered all the things his mother had to do for him as a child. He barely had time for that. He knew it took a village though. He had friends.
“It’s funny what has been given and taken by time,” said Berta. “I had you, you were taken away right around the same age Jenny is given back to you, and bless my soul you knew to show her where she really came from. But you could easily lose her again.”
“How?”
“Who gave her back to you?”
“The Lynchburg center.”
“Fuck!” She spat on the spot at her feet. “Fuck, do you know what this means?”
“No. Did they do something to her? What did they do?”
“What name did you give them? When you reported to the office?”
“Vincent Carter.”
“Good. They’ll have a harder chance of tracking you or her; and you never gave Georgetown, anyone there, your real name right?”
“No, I used Dad’s.”
“Good. Listen, even if everything were a meadow under a rainbow I would still be afraid for you. But it’s not. You know all of the things I had to worry about as a mother. They’ll… they will come for her sooner or later, and you can’t let them.”
“Have they already done anything to Jenny?”
“At so young? I don’t know. But I’ve heard some girls younger than me had whatever they call it, the shocks.”
“Oh… no.”
“And as soon as they had their first period, sometimes before then, the doctors would offer free ‘help’ they so called it, invited us in with lies then shwoop” She snapped her fingers. “Unable to have children.”
“Can we talk about this further after lunch?”
She looked inside the window at the table. “I intend to. There isn’t much else to say other than my judgment of what you’ll be up against, you’ll have to tell me more details. But if there is nothing else… see Jenny? if she has any pains here. ” She rubbed over her arms, then her chest. “Or here,” She pointed at her brain. “You have to help her heal. That is just as important if not more.”
They went back in. The food had cooled off but was still incredible.
Berta had already started questioning between bites. “Where will you two go after you leave here?”
“New York.”
“New York!”
“Are you all packed Jenny?”
“Yes! I can’t wait to go!”
“Perhaps, if you are alright with it and if the clothes fit, I’ve saved a few outfits from when your father was your age.”
“Thanks?”
“You don’t have to keep them, you might just want a jacket and a pair of jeans. Also, do you know how to garden?”
“I do.”
“I’ll let you have a few of my tomato shoots if you like.”
“It will be difficult to keep them in the winter.” said Vincent.
“Don’t you get enough wood for the winters?”
“The heater’s electric”
“Ridiculous.” she sniffed.
“New York has these special lamps that will heat the plants specifically.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Truthfully and faithfully? I know I’m old fashioned but I want what’s best for you.”
“I didn’t say we’d get- I mean yes, but they’re expensive.”
“How about this, I share whatever money I would have needed to come to New York-”
“Mom-”
“and you will get to bring some sun into your home, You will have my warmth, and my tomatoes.”
“Thank you.”
“I’d give you some of my cucumbers and sweet potatoes, but they need bigger space. They need a field.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“I’ll see about that.”
It was a perfectly timed afternoon. He hadn’t realized Jenny couldn't wait to eat. The food was gone before their conversation was over. Jenny… She would be by his side for years. He hadn’t planned a goddamn thing at all.
He turned the radio on. Flocks of birds flew over the swooping telephone wires. The curves of the road rose and drooped like sleeping eyelids all in sotto unchained melodies. She had never been confronted with the dilemma of wanting to look out the window and wanting to look at the person inside the car. She switched back and forth. Spying for forest creatures. They saw two deer.
She felt like anything beside the car was staring through the windows at them. No past or present witnesses, human or forest creature could understand her feeling of freedom.
Nobody would ever believe that Jenny escaped, that she got abducted by aliens. It wasn’t right that she got away… This wasn’t meant to happen, this went against the laws of nature. A flock of phantom peacocks crossed Jenny’s wistful sight.
American highways blossoming like a bouquet of concrete ferns and possibilities. All roads lead to the Capital. They both returned to the acropolis Washington DC knowing very different things about it. She wanted to raise some kind of racket like before because here she already felt like she was in her real home in some strange way. There was a style of home forming in her mind: One that she always felt in hotel rooms,in car rides, in transition: She felt most at home in transition: when things were only getting better.
I’m no longer jealous of the birds in the sky. Jenny thought
After Vincent returned the rental car to the office and Jenny got a chocolate mint, they entered the passageways of Union Station. It all was so big the echoes forgot where they were going. A Rotunda of octagons, a marble hive shrank the train-goers into little swarms. Her head followed its arch. She made her horse’s neck crane like her own. Was ten too old to find life in an inanimate object? He thought of the doctor’s file he wished he had. In hindsight, knowing the hospital’s history it was probably useless.
“So… Jenny.”
“That’s me!”
“I heard you tried to drive your mother’s car.” Perhaps there was a police report.
Her head turned away. While her horse still admired the arch, she looked at the floor and shuffled her feet. When they first left, she had switched to her play shoes, muddy white, darker than the marble. The air was chilly. Things had just been starting to get better.
“It’s alright, I just found that interesting.” he encouraged.
She uttered a timid retort. “I was a little scared.”
“Where were you going?”
“To see my Aunt.” She crunched down the last of her peppermint.
Rosalyn’s sister was the one who had told him about the car accident. She relayed how she lived in New Orleans and also implied through exasperated mentions of her preteen kids and leaky creaky wooden house that fundamentally a fourth addition to the family could not be afforded.
“How were you going to get to your Aunt’s? You didn’t know the way.”
“I was going to ask!” She piped. The shoes squeaked on the marble floor in disdain.
The switchboard said the next train to New York would be enough time to plan out the rest of the summer for her, meals and school programs and all.
“Why don’t you ask somebody where we can get a hotdog?” He gave her some change and watched her tap someone hardly taller than herself. They pointed to the back of the station. Vincent and Jenny got hotdogs and ate while they waited. Watching people and the sun lowering through the tall golden windows.
If worse came to worse, Jenny could live with Berta. Oh god. He wasn’t ready. There was never a chance Jenny would be free enough with just one caretaker. Rosalyn couldn’t do it alone, Berta wouldn’t be able to do it alone (and then there was the possibility Rosalyn would send the police after his mother). How could he? His job would paid enough for traveling, dinners, and various show tickets, and his office was steps away from his bedroom. He would probably move even closer to his office via couch if Jenny stayed. Who would her teachers be? Her babysitters? Her mentors?
“Hey,” said Jenny. “There’s a train going to New Orleans. You know, I could just go with my Aunt there.”
Maybe he could send child support to her Aunt. “What do you want Jenny? Tell me and I’ll help you.”
“You sure?”
“I swear.”
She crumpled the greasy wax paper from her hotdog into a ball. “I want to live in a castle and have a horse, and dance with fairies.”
He was still Santa to her it seemed.
“There’s a castle in Central Park… and people ride horses there… I’m not sure about the fairies though. I’d have to read up on where to find them. But there’s also some very royal places in New Orleans…”
“Wow… I didn’t even know what I wanted was possible! But you did say you would help me. Does that mean… we could both go? It would be nice if you met my Aunt, she’s nice.”
“I know, maybe we’ll visit, but I can’t live there… All of my friends, all of the things I need are in New York.” Maybe he’d take her down to her aunt at the end of the summer. Maybe he really could help out with money and a visit every once in a while. Maybe Jenny would just stay with him for the summer. There would be no conflicts whatsoever there.
“Oh, are they nice?”
“No… no, they’re pretty cut throat when it comes to who’s the best at whatever but… I find them extremely interesting.”
“Let’s go to New York.”
He saw a wild look in her eyes.
She hopped and skipped from the ticket booth, to the train. They boarded and found their seats. “What are we gonna do when we get there?” said Jenny.
For now, Jenny was going to be a roommate of sorts, and if she stayed longer than expected, school was her vocation she took a subway to everyday. Maybe if he looked at her like a roommate she’d act like one. “Give me some ideas”
“You know: go to zoos, museums, draw, play, read, meet people like you.”
“What about school?” he asked lightly.
“Why would I have to go to school? You’re mom didn’t.”
“Your grandmother is proud of people who learn, however is best for them, through critical thinking and observation, whether that’s school or farm work, and you can do all those things you said. Schools are the best place to draw and read and make friends with people like you.” He tapped her nose but she winced. This was a doomed thing to say apparently. “What’s wrong with school? You’ve got to go to learn the things you like”
“I can learn the things I like on my own.” She said in a low voice
“Well what if you didn’t like something simply because it’s hard to learn? ”
“Well then I’d get help.”
“From who?”
“Someone who knew the answers”
“Don’t teachers know?”
“Not always.” She looked stiff, like she didn’t want to be pushed over.
The trees made a green hallway out of the railroad. Those trees! Encyclopedia green, Gospel choir green, so green, almost blue, green like the gospel blues, so green, so green. If the train slowed down, they would see the wind singing from the branches and shelves. And when Jenny pressed her face to the windows, she could feel cold fluttering through the window seals rotting with age. She watched a dead tree swoop by with an exhausted look in her eyes. The dark circles looked like they had been there not for weeks but for months with tissue still clinging to life. The nurse should have given him her file, but instead referenced it in passing that she had some behaviors the doctors expected her to “outgrow”.
In Delaware, the rain turned into sleet.
Darkness grew, it leaked into the train cars, it leaked into the dim car lights.
She looked inside the uplit train now with some sense of novelty like she hadn’t seen it until now. The sheen on the steel doors traced the glass, and the accent lines in this machine dimension, like a car, a rectangular prism she could dance and skip in. She dawdled through the aisles.
A waitress came and took their order. Vincent let her loose while he ordered her a hamburger. She spun between the booths, humming. She tried spying on people but people kept looking at her whenever she looked at them, so she retreated. She crouched against the back of their booth, her nose sitting on the edge. The clink of silverware at the back of her head made her turn around and eat.
“Have you ever gone surfing?”
“No, have you?”
“Almost, I swam in Florida.” She told him about her summer in St. Augustine.
“You used an Ouija board?” He said about one of her stories.
“That’s what it’s called?”
“Yes. I’m glad your pirate ghost friend was nice.”
“Yeah, Gunther was weird, the treasure we found was just a bunch of mother of pearls but I love those anyway. Do you have mother of Pearl in New York?”
“I don’t know, but there’s lots of discoveries to make everyday” he mused.
“I know!”
He said “You know, you can ask me anything.”
Her eyes swirled back and forth. “How come you didn’t get me sooner Dad?”
“I didn’t know about you. You know that.”
“We have a lot of catching up to do.”
She almost wanted to ask a thousand more questions but the ones she cared about that she could think of had already been answered.
When you’ve looked into a mirror all of your life, the reflection sees the only thing you’d trust lifeless glass to see. It knows all the times you humiliated yourself, slipped on the soccer field, in the lake, missed the catch, the right note, the right words, trying to win someone over; and in the eyes staring back, someone you wish you had would say “You’ve won me.” In the mirror, if you put on the right look you could trick yourself into thinking that that person is staring right back at you.
This was not a trick. Not for either of them. They reflected each other.
He had come out of nowhere, just like everything, like a reflection stepping out of a mirror- Her blood turned into lightning with an electrocution. Her chest jolted.
“Ever heard of an Illuminated manuscript?”
He laughed.
Trying something new! I will continue to make free posts obviously, but I wanted to reward my paid subscribers with some extra work. Moving forward, chapters of this story will require a subscription to read. This is an absolute joy project! Narratively I wish to change it in later drafts but I thought it was time to show you what I have made after three years of planning.